Raising tweens and teenagers

Life with pre teens and teenagers can have its ups and downs as they navigate their growing years. Caring for a "tween" or teen can be tough at times and there’s always room for new ideas.

The guides below were developed for carers including foster carers and guardians but parents with tweens and teens could also find the tips and toolkit catering to each age range useful. You may read terms that do not apply to you such as "carer" and "caseworker". However, mostly you'll find lots of helpful information on tricky topics such as drugs and alcohol as well as how to help a tween or teen build self-esteem, deal with bullying and build healthy intimate relationships.

Pre teens 8 to 11
Areas covered include building self esteem, managing anger, starting high school, developing positive body image, understanding bullying, forming friendships and online safety.

Early teens 12 to 15
Progressing at school, nurturing identity, emotional well being, safety around drugs and alcohol, managing money, sexuality, gender identity and managing serious behaviours.

Late teens 16 to 18
Developing independence, healthy intimate relationships, driving skills, risky behaviours, finishing school, finding career pathways and lifelong belonging.

Carer toolkit
Teenage privacy, negotiating with teens, solving problems and dealing with teen anger.

Download the full Raising tweens and teens - a guide for carers and caseworkers booklet.

Gone are the days of insisting your child use a computer in the shared area of the house to monitor their online activity to try and keep them safe.

Now, with so many children owning a mobile phone or having access to one via their friends, the focus for parents is on how to build knowledge and skills about cyber safety.

A federal government study in 2016 found 1 in 5 kids aged between 8 and 17 experience cyber bullying in some form each year and the problem is growing with some experts believing the figure is now as high as 1 in 3. Other online issues include ‘sexting’, cyber stalking and sites that incite or glorify harmful behaviour such as eating disorders.

The NSW anti-bullying website was created to help school communities deal with bullying. Information and resources have been developed specifically for parents and carers as well as students and teachers. The site includes a section on keeping your child safe online and how to respond if your child tells you she or he is being bullied.

At a national level, Australia became a global trail blazer in March 2017 with the appointment of our first ever e-Safety Commissioner and the introduction of a law to boost online protections for children and young people.

The Office of the e-Safety Commissioner is also tasked with promoting positive behaviours on the web and helping people build their resilience for those times when things go wrong online.

The Office of the e-Safety Commissioner website is a great resource for parents but also children and young people.

Resources you’ll find include:

Young and eSafe - a site developed by young people for young people that you can introduce your children to.

Resources for parents on cyberbullying – this includes what cyberbullying is and how to report incidents of online bullying.

iParent guide to keeping your devices safe - safety tips for you but also how to keep safe devices owned by your children and teens.

Understanding ‘image-based abuse’ including ‘sexting’. According to research by a number of universities, 1 in 5 people in Australia aged 16 to 49 are likely to experience image-based abuse at some point in their lives.

How to report issues and make an official complaint - how to collect evidence prior to making a report, the report process, the process of reporting, making a report to a social media site and information for young people on re-writing their story if they have been bullied online

Tips for those experiencing Domestic and Family Violence on eSafety planning including ways to include your children and teens in developing a safety plan.

Information about Safe Internet Day.

How the e-Safety Commissioner can help

The Office of the e-Safety Commissioner is tasked with:

• equipping parents, carers, children and young people with the means to stay safe online
• promoting positive and respectful behaviour online
• building resilience to help those targeted by cyber bullying to walk away from the experience without lasting injury
• curating resources for teachers and schools.

Under the Enhancing Online Safety of Children Act, you can go to the e-Safety Commissioner if your child is being attacked online and your request for a social media platform to remove the offensive material has been ignore or refused.

The Office can request social media sites remove offensive material and can also start legal action that could result in fines and court proceedings.

To a teenager, sharing photos between friends is fun, and sending provocative photos might seem innocent and flirtatious. However, sexting can leave your child at risk of public humiliation, social isolation and cyber-bullying. Images can be uploaded onto social networking sites where they can be easily shared or passed around.

Talking about the risk of sexting and online communication is a good start, but it’s also important to understand the technology you’re dealing with.

Your child may use jargon that can be difficult to decipher. See our guide on Understanding teenglish: what are your kids really saying?

Also, read up on image-based abuse. This is where an intimate, nude or sexual image is distributed without the consent of those pictured or someone threatens to distribute such images. Image based abuse can involve photographs or video images and has other names such as IBA and revenge porn. Anyone who has been the target of image-based abuse should know it's not their fault.

Educate yourself about the different social media platforms that exist too such as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and Twitter as well as about how they work.

In addition you can:

• talk to your child about the consequences of sexting
• monitor your child’s online presence, especially social networking sites
• warn your child about cyber predators, image-based abuse and that images can end up in the wrong hands
• give your child clear rules on what they can and can’t do with their mobile phone, and monitor text messages
• encourage your child to be open with you if they receive provocative images or are the target of cyber-bullying
• never allow your child to meet up with new online friends without your supervision
• remind your child that there are key pieces of information they should never share online, including addresses, photos and video footage. It's also good to remember that a social networking page (such as Facebook or Instagram) is a public place and they should think twice before posting comments or uploading photos and information.

Resources for parents

ThinkUKnow what young people see, say and do online? is a website created in collaboration with the Australian Federal Police. Parents and carers will find helpful factsheets and videos on cyber safety in the Parents Portal. ThinkUKnow also provides presentations and training for parents, carers and teachers and young people from Kindergarten to Grade 12.

The Office of the e-Safety Commissioner website has a large range of relevant and up-to-date resources parents can use to help keep their children and teens safe online. It also hosts a site developed by young people for young people called Young and e-safe

When using social networking sites, make sure your child knows who to contact to report abuse or bullying – starting with you. You'll find lots of information on reporting abuse to social media sites and to authorities on the Office of the e-Safety Commissioner website.

Many parents worry about the amount of time children spend playing computer games and the impact of this on their child's learning and wellbeing. Online computer gaming involves playing games, often with other players, over the internet.

Addiction to playing online computer games can have negative consequences for children. It can reduce their ability to concentrate at school, put stress on family relationships, socially isolate them and even affect their health.

Nearly 50% of Australian children with access to the internet after school use it 2-6 days a week and 25% use it every day. On average, children spend 7.9 hours per fortnight playing online games.

Concerns about online computer gaming can stem from fear and unfamiliarity about the gaming subculture that has its own set of rules, social structures and social networks.

Parents are encouraged to be proactive in managing this issue by learning more and talking with their children about it. The Office of the e-Safety Commissioner website includes useful information to help you understand more about online gaming and your kids.

In the meantime, here's some tips to get you started:

• educate yourself about online gaming – find out what it is and what it means to your child. Be curious and interested; this will help your child understand that you want to know about their life and interests
• set the computer up in a public area of the house, not in a bedroom, where it will be easier for you to supervise
• negotiate boundaries and limit the number of hours your child spends playing games. It might work to trial new boundaries for a week and then discuss it again
• also check the games being played by your child or teen via a mobile or other hand held digital device to help you negotiate what is played, when and for how long
• assess how online computer gaming is affecting your child. Do they have other friends and social connections, are they performing school and household tasks normally, do they have other interests, and is gaming impacting their health? Are they aware of these effects?
• if you have concerns, focus on resolving the issue rather than the gaming. For example if your child is lacking sleep, address how they can organise their lives so they get the sleep they need
• recognise that each generation of parents faces new issues. Think back to your own adolescence and how your parents were concerned about emerging issues for your generation. If you are worried that your child has an addiction to gaming, seek professional help from a counsellor

If you are worried about online computer gaming you can contact Parent Line on 1300 1300 52 for free and confidential telephone counselling.